Sucker for Travel

I love to travel.  I love my pets.  These things don’t always go along so great, but my family is stubborn enough to try again and again.  In fact, we have planned entire vacations based on locations that my dog would be welcome to tag along.  By the end of his life, our family dog had marked the majority of the east coast as his territory.  Alfalfa has traveled a good amount too.  Only a few times has he done long distances, but I often tote that giant cage along if I am going to my parents house for the day.  My little hamster friend used to make the four-hour commute with me to and from college for every break, so all the pets have some miles on them.  So, if you want to learn from my mistakes, let me describe a few situations that I would avoid.

I was going away for vacation, and needed to take all the animals to different houses for bird/dog/hamster-sitting.  I had the birdie in the front, and the hamster and the dog in back.  My poor dog’s life long dream is to eat the other pets. And there they were! Right in front of him.  He was so beside himself that he couldnt decide which pet to harass.  All the excitement got the tiel riled up, and he was squawking and climbing around his cage in a frenzy.   Which, I’m sure you can imagine only further encourage my dog.  So my left hand was dedicated to steering, while my right hand was dedicated to stabilizing the bird-cage, trying to keep the dog in the back of the car, and, of course, changing gears in my stick shift car.  So, lesson #1: try to separate the species!

I’ve also learned some lessons about noise control.  You know that nice bell your bird plays with? That makes a sweet little tinkling noise as he bumps it around?  Yea, try listening to that clank against the side of the cage for a drive down to the beach.  Every time it clanks, your bird, if he is anything like my little tiel, will screech his response.  No matter how many times it clanks, he will respond EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Pretty quickly you will pull over at a rest stop and take out the toys.  So, lesson #2: save yourself the stop and take the toys out before you go. 

On the topic of surviving long trips, I have to give a lot of credit to my little hamster, who probably spent the largest percentage of his life on the road compared to any of my other animals.  As I mentioned, this little guy, Shimmy, road-tripped the four hours between school and home for every break and every new semester.  I’ve learned a few basic lessons there, like #3–clean cages are a must.  Not only to you want to prevent any smell, but it’s also a little weird to have so much seed and bedding stuck in every crack and crevice of your car.  I’ve also learned to keep your cool.  I think my hamster is terribly cute, but there is something unnerving about a little rodent just staring at you.  I mean, if you put him in the passenger seat, he is just RIGHT THERE by your face, staring at you with those beady little eyes.  So lesson #4: through all the noise, mayhem, and even just the silent staring, keep your eyes on the road. 

Hamsters aren’t the only ones who stare.  Try being stuck in traffic when you have that many pets with you.  Trust me, people stare.  I was stuck on I-95 for ages when I had my hamster in the front seat, and about 12 different plants shoved in cup holders and boxes.  My bamboo plant gave me a little slap in the face every time I tried to look around, and I had to reach through a wall of basil cuttings to get into my purse in the other seat. So I’m going to just repeat lesson #4: keep your eyes on the road.  Or, just offer a smile.  Letting people laugh at your expense while stuck in traffic ain’t so bad.  We all need to laugh to get through the day. 

After all of these adventures, I still take my pets in the car, and I would recommend it to you too.  They like to know that they get to tag along, and I’m also grateful to have a little friend with me on the road.

Evolved enough for a grudge.

Last post I was mentioning how birds are so much dumber, and yet, in a couple ways a little smarter than dogs.  Alfalfa reminded me this week of another way that he more evolved. When I come back from vacation, my dog is beside himself with happiness.  He is just elated to have his human home.  Alfalfa, on the other hand, has demonstrated higher intelligence in this matter–he can hold a grudge.

I went away to for vacation, and when I came back, Alfalfa was initially thrilled to see me.  He scrambled around his cage chirping and singing happily.  But THEN!  Then he remembered why he was so excited.   He was excited because it has been so long since he had seen me.  I had abandoned him!  GASP!  In a teeny-tiny-birdie-sized rage, Alfalfa marched to the back corner of his cage and pecked angrily at his coconut toy.  He even gave me a little hiss when I reached over to him.

For the record, he wasn’t exactly tortured while I was gone.  Actually, Alfalfa did most of the torturing.  He stayed with a friend of mine who also has a cockatiel.  Except her little avian friend is much smaller and more shy…so Alfalfa’s “big character” is often a little too much for his birdie-host.  Alfalfa spent the entire week pressed up against the bars of his cage trying to reach the other cockatiel.  He sang loudly and beautifully for every waking hour of his visit…which, after a while, just starts seeming loud and not at all beautiful.  The other bird also remained pressed up against the bars of his cage…not trying to get closer to Alfalfa, but absolutely desperate to get as far away as possible.

For as entertaining as I’m sure it was for Alfalfa to harass another bird for a full week, he was definitely angry with me when I came back.  It took a couple of days for him to warm back up, but now he is back to his old self–terrorizing the coffee table, shredding corners of any and all papers, and expecting neck scratches for hours on end.  Glad to have you back, Alfalfa!

Bird Whisperer? Alfalfa begs to differ.

Confidence is good, but over-confidence can be annoying.  It really bugs me when people march right up to your pet and announce that they are “great with animals” so, are somehow entitled to handling your animal friend without permission.   Really?  Are you some sort of expert?  Because no animal expert I have ever met or heard of would introduce themselves to a new critter that way.  I guess Alfalfa learned this intolerance of this breed of human from his mommy (teach your children well!), because he seems to feel the way.  Here is the story of  Alfalfa meeting a self-proclaimed bird-whisperer.

Once, a fat little man showed up at my door, thinking that it was neighbor’s house. I pointed him in the right direction and we exchanged pleasantries.  In that time he heard Alfalfa calling from the kitchen and, with eyes aglow with excitement, asked what kind of bird I had.  I told him I had a cockatiel.  I hardly had a chance to protest as he marched through the house towards the cage, following the sound of Alfalfa’s squawks.

He began gushing to me about how he owned parrots and began to reach for the cage.  I stopped him and explained that Alfalfa really seems to have a deep-rooted hatred for men, and it would behoove him to not stick his fingers in the cage.  He proudly told me that he actually rehabilitated birds with behavioral problems, and as he leaned in to the cage he said, “I’m actually a bird whisperer”

What happened in the next 9 seconds were my proudest moments as a bird owner.  You have to understand, that a bird may only have two little brain cells in their head, but I promise you, they use those cells for carefully planned acts of evil.  If a dog doesn’t like you, he will growl and snarl immediately as you approach.  If a bird doesn’t like you, well….he may be a little more strategic about how to punish you for your mere existence.

So, as Mr. Bird-Whisperer brought his face closer to his cage, making patronizing “coochie coochie coo” noises, Alfalfa batted his eyes, chirped, and made his little kissing noises.   He even put down his tiel in the “calm-submissive” positive, luring that naive chubby face nearer.  But then!  Just as the bird-man got close enough, placing his fat lips right in front of the cage, Alfalfa perked up his tiel and, in one motion, launched himself forward, reached his beak between the bars, and CHOMPED onto the man’s lower lip.  I don’t mean he gave a little peck.  Alfalfa reached forth, gripped onto a good chunk of flesh and clenched down until he tasted blood.

Mr. ”I’m-a-bird-whisperer” left in a hurry, to say the least, clutching his bleeding lip. 

I somehow controlled my laughter until the door clicked shut.  Alfalfa happily sang and chirped to me, proud that he fended off an evil intruder.

So I’m sure it was immoral of me to be so pleased with my evil little birdie…maybe this bodes poorly on my future with human children….oh well.  I think the bird-man had it coming.  Maybe it was a good learning experience. Bird-man learned some humility.  I learned that Alfalfa is more conniving that I realized.  And, Alfalfa? I guess he reminded himself, once again, that he is AWESOME.  He certainly is his own man…

Water- The Magic Tonic for Grumpy Birds

The first time I took Alfalfa into the shower with me, I thought I was drowning him because his behavior seemed so unnatural to me.  He was, in two words, shockingly docile.  He sat perfectly still, making only tiny squeaking noises, absolutely no biting no matter how much I moved around and readjusted him, and even allowing me to put my hand on his back.  Why would this seem so unnatural to me?  Well…Alfalfa is usually in perpetual motion, loud, looking for opportunities to attack and chomp down, and only allows humans to touch his head and neck.  Somehow, warm water and humidity seduces him into submission.  AMAZING!

But seriously, bird-owners, I know it seems scary, but try bringing your bird into the shower.  They love to get clean and play in the water and it’s actually really good for them. 

Look at this little drowned rat! So happy!

Alfalfa and I have integrated this into a our monthly schedule, so he is now quite used to the bath-time routine.  He even sits on the towel rack while I wash my hair.  The problem is AFTER the shower.   I don’t let him leave the warmth of the steamy bathroom until he dries off a bit (I don’t wanting him getting a teeny tiny birdie cold).  Unfortunately, as he slowly gets out of his shower stupor, he becomes his regular destructive, loud self.  Echoing squawks?  SO MUCH WORSE than regular squawks.  Luckily, we have sped up the drying process by introducing him to the blow dryer.  He must feel a connection with things that are equally noisy as he is, because he surprisingly enjoys the loud blast in his face. 

The only leftover negative effect is the tiny red scratches that cover my hand from his slippery claws grasping for stability, but I think I can tolerate a little personal damage for such quiet moments of happiness with Alfalfa.  Actually, I will tolerate a lot for quiet moments with that little bird.  Quiet moments are a precious, precious commodity with a cockatiel.

My coffee table or your coffee table?

Ah, the destructive powers of cockatiels…

At the beginning of the summer I moved into a new apartment.  Alfalfa has, slowly but surely, been claiming this apartment as his own.  In our previous residence, he would stay perched on top of his cage, which was a win-win for human and bird–he was safely out of reach of the family dog and I had less mess to clean up. But NOW he has slowly discovered that there is no terrible terrier waiting to chomp off his tail, so my coffee table has become  his stomping grounds.

It started pretty harmless…he would walk around the coffee table talking to my feet resting on the edge and squawking at the T.V.  But THEN when the squawking got too loud, I started offering him food.  Then a big spray of millet. Then a little play pen…Why am I so weak?!

Now, I look at my coffee table and asses the damage.  It’s a gorgeous glass table, so trust me, I can see the mess perfectly.  Alfalfa is sitting in the middle talking to my water bottle.  Which, by the way, now I can’t drink from, because he has to decided to defend it with his life.  He has two trays of food, which he has chewed as much wood off of as he has eaten seed from them…There is a Post-it note pad that is so completely nibbled that EVERY SINGLE PAGE has beak bites out of it….And the aftermath of a mushroom cloud of seed hulls and bird dust caused by Alfalfa flying in and landing on the table….Let’s not even get into the little bird poops that I have to clean off every hour…

So yes, I realize I have been weak-minded about this whole territory affair, but my goodness he manages to con me with his endearing qualities every time.  As I have been writing this, Alfalfa has fallen asleep sitting dead center on the coffee table.  Ever couple minutes I hear a little clink because he keeps sleepily tipping forward knocking his beak against my Sigg bottle.  Pet owners of all species, I implore you, is there anything cuter than a sleepy critter?  How do you say no to that?

Touche Alfalfa. I believe this is your coffee table.

They love fruits and vegetables? Questionable.

Sometimes I feel like bad pet owner, because my cockatiel does not eat fruits and vegetables.  I’m sure Alfalfa, like my father, would try to argue that potatoes count, but seriously, they don’t.   The only REAL vegetable Alfalfa he will eat is frozen peas, microwaved, then cooled to room temperature.  So Alfalfa has a strict diet of seed, heated then cooled peas, and all the corners of my books.

Being as stubborn as Alfalfa is, I continue to offer vegetables to him, but he absolutely refuses to eat anything that is not crunchy. 

Honestly, its embarrassing to have a bird that is a bit overweight.  I mean, all the bird books say not to worry about overfeeding your bird.  You are just supposed to keep seed available and they will only eat as much as they need.  For good nutrition, you are supposed to offer a variety of fruits and vegetables.  But……if your bird categorically REFUSES anything with good nutrition, let me tell you, he WILL get a bit fat from eating seed and peas alone.

So for all those bird books out there that say, “cockatiels, like all birds, love fruits and vegetables,” I respond, “Questionable.”

Alfalfa and I

Welcome readers!

A couple days ago my cockatiel, Alfalfa, turned 13, which made me realize that this little guy and I have been together for the majority of my life.  In that time we have definitely had our share of adventures.  I got him when he was already more than a year old, and he wasn’t properly socialized before I met him.  For you bird-owners out there, you know that the first year is crucial in developing human-bird relationships.  Thus, this little guy is a little emotionally stunted…  I have read countless bird behavior books and tried a wide variety of training techniques, but he is still just not quite as docile as one would hope.   He is just very paticular about what he wants and, more importantly, what he does NOT want.  Still, I love him and he loves me and we spend all day harrassing eachother…so I thought I should share some of stories about Alfalfa and I.